Here in the Mid-West, Indianapolis to be exact, we are going through a deep freeze. I woke up this morning to 2 inches of ice and wind gust of up to 50 miles an hour! Crazy stuff with trees and power lines falling down.
You know what is really crazy? That's how I feel spiritually right know. Before my feet hit the floor this morning, i spent some time with the Lord and I asked Him to forgive me for my sins and give me back the deep emotion that comes from loving Him. If the feeling I have is a feeling of familiarity or complacency, I don't want it. I never for one minute want to take for granted His love, but lately it feels like i have.
So what has changed? I'm doing all the same things to be close to Him. I'm active in my Church and prayer life, as well as alms giving and ministering to those in need. But as much as I don't want to admit it, without the emotion, I am just going through the motions of loving Him.
Kinda like I do with my family sometimes, another thing I don't want to admit. And though I put myself there sometimes, they (HE) still loves me.
I can't help but think of Mother Teresa, who went through a 50 year period which she calls a dark night of the soul. St Francis also experienced this as it is said he felt unworthy of God grace. And lets not forget Job, wow! Talk about a dark night of the soul! Now don't get me wrong, I'm not even in the same ballpark as these souls, not even the parking lot of the ballpark! But it does give me some reassurence to know that dark nights happen sometimes.
What are we to learn from being away from Him?
You know, and this is just my gut reaction, but I do think that sometimes, He allows the emotion to fall by the wayside. If we do things only when we "feel," are we really loving, serving, pressing in, with all that we are?
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post, Jill. I'm so glad to know you.
I hope that by speaking(writing) this down perhaps you have come one step closer to the lightness of love and appreciation. Sometimes it is the darkness itself that makes the lightness seem so bright.
ReplyDeletetake care of your self. ♥
I usually don't comment on my posts, but I have to say how much i appreciate your reaction to this post.It is so helpful to get your percpective. And yes, after writing this down, I do feel closer to love and gratitude.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
Each of our journeys is such a learning experience. It is like we are all on a roller coaster filled with ups and downs. This life for all of us is far from perfect and I believe that is how it is meant. As long as we keep learning and growing in our faith while also struggling with it, it is a good thing. Take care!
ReplyDeletewe are a work in progress, broken people. just stay on the journey...your walk will become deeper, richer, stronger, less fragmented.
ReplyDelete(show me your glory is one of my favorite third day songs...LOVE IT!!)
love you jill...
Such a great post Jill. It is all part of the journey I feel. I love the Mother Teresa quote you started this post with. Beautiful. I have been thinking about you lately! ♥
ReplyDeleteWow that is beautifully put. We all go through times that are good and tough in our journey. I appreciate your honesty. That Third Day song is one of my favorites and can't imagine what it would be like to see God in all his brilliance and then go back to your mundane existence. I'd be screaming the same thing.
ReplyDelete